For the craic: if Leonardo da Vinci were a software developer sending his cover letter to that hot new startup. Adapted from Letters of Note: The Skills of Leonardo da Vinci.
My Most Illustrious Lord,
Having now sufficiently seen and considered the achievements of all those who count themselves masters and artificers of software, and having noted that the invention and performance of the said software is in no way different from that in common usage, I shall endeavour, while intending no discredit to anyone else, to make myself understood to Your Excellency for the purpose of unfolding to you my secrets, and thereafter offering them at your complete disposal, and when the time is right bringing into effective operation all those things which are in part briefly listed below:
1. I have plans for very light, strong and easily portable libraries with which to supplement and, on some occasions, replace existing software, and others, sturdy and indestructible either by hackers or at scale, easy and convenient to extend and maintain. Also means of exploiting and overloading those of competitors.
2. I know how, in the course of an ongoing software project, to remove features from the roadmap and how to make an infinite number of patches, duct tape fixes and scalable solutions and other changes necessary to such an enterprise.
3. Also, if one cannot, when engaged in a project, proceed by agile methodologies either because of the nature of the project or the recalcitrance of the developers, I have methods for destroying every protest or other objection unless it has been founded upon a genuine concern or so forth.
4. I have also types of shell scripts, most convenient and easily portable, with which to curl small websites almost like a hail-storm; and the traffic from the scripts will instill a great fear in competitors on account of the grave damage and confusion.
5. Also, I have means of arriving at a deadlines through ugly hacks and spaghetti code constructed completely without documentation, even if it should be necessary to commit directly to master.
6. Also, I will make root kits, safe and unassailable, which will penetrate competitors and their firewalls, and there is no host of neckbeards so great that they would not break through it. And behind these the script kiddies will be able to follow, quite uninjured and unimpeded.
7. Also, should the need arise, I will make domain specific languages of very beautiful and functional design that are quite out of the ordinary.
8. Where the use of DSLs is impracticable, I will assemble modular, documented, dependency-free command line tools and other instruments of wonderful efficiency not in general use. In short, as the variety of circumstances dictate, I will make an infinite number of items for attack and defense.
9. And should a rewrite be occasioned, I have examples of many arguments which are highly suitable either in attack or defense, and code which will resist the fire of all the heaviest critics and company lifers.
10. In times of Java development I believe I can give as complete satisfaction as any other in the field of architecture, and the construction of both public and private methods, and in conducting business logic from one place to another.
Also I can execute scripts in Python, Perl and Ruby. Likewise in web design, I can do everything possible as well as any other, whosoever he may be.
Moreover, work could be undertaken on horse_ebooks which will be to the immortal glory and eternal honour of the auspicious memory of His Lordship your father, and of the illustrious house of Internet.
And if any of the above-mentioned things seem impossible or impracticable to anyone, I am most readily disposed to demonstrate them in your local coffee house or in whatsoever place shall please Your Excellency, to whom I commend myself with all possible humility.
